Chemo #8 (Dec 20-Jan 4)
Oh boy did chemo 8 go much quicker! Praise the Lord! We were home by 2:15pm. We had some visitors (nurses) to spread some holiday cheer! That was great and and I enjoyed watching them sing and dance! I got the same nurse I had last time and I really love her.
I knew the time between this chemo would go much faster due to Christmas and that it did. My parents and sister and family came for a visit and we celebrated together our annual “Indiana Christmas”. Since my counts were up due to the Neulesta shot I got out a little and enjoy a few shopping trips and lunches out with my family. Making sure to be extra careful with hand washing, etc.
So many emotions filled my soul over the past two weeks. My husband and kids went to Christmas Eve service without me. I was told to stay in and let my counts go up for a few days and I listened. It’s hard to be an outsider watching everyone else go about their lives having holiday parties, complaining about mundane things and stressing over the little things that truly don’t matter. I am grateful for my positive attitude through this because without it I am not sure I would be doing so well. I am thankful for friends that take photos of things I miss so I don’t feel completely left out.
My body is growing weaker, but I am still counting my blessings. I’ve made it so far with no hospitalizations or illnesses. Some of my other Hodgkin’s Lymphoma friends haven’t been so lucky.
We were headed to a movie over break and we stopped at the mall. I walked to the door of JCP and realized, “I can’t. I can’t do this. My legs feel tired. I feel hot. I feel thirsty. I just don’t have it in me”. So off to the car I went for 30 minutes while my daughter got what she wanted and texted me images for advice from the dressing room. Ugh. That was hard, but I am alive. I am here to be apart of their life and for that I will be grateful. I did make it to the movie. YAY! And stayed awake during the whole thing. A miracle in the nice reclining seats. Yes, I wiped them all down before sitting in them.
I shaved my head all over to kick off the new year. It feels much better and I can rub castor oil and essential oils all over it daily. I still get hot flashes. I feel like they were less this time, but who knows. Epsom salt bath are still my all time fave during chemo. Eyelashes: pretty much gone. Eyebrows: thinning.
My emotions are growing wilder as the weeks progress (look out world!). I am not sure if it’s the fact I can almost see the finish line of chemo. The fact I won’t know for sure the cancer is still gone until my March PET scan. Feeling overwhelmed in knowing I have a good 2 years of multiple PET scans in my future to see if the cancer has returned. The new medical bills heading our way for 2019. Probably all of it together. Chemo life is hard.
As many were excited about the new calendar year, I dreaded it. It means new high deductibles and out of pocket cost start all over. I had my husband go to CVS and fill 3 of my RXs on December 31st (rockin’ NYE plans) to avoid having to pay for it Jan 1st. Retail cost would have been $950! It was free since we maxed out in 2018. I’ll find out in 30 days how much it truly will cost, unless my next chemo hits the system prior to. Let’s face the facts: ONE chemo will max us out. There is something truly wrong with the healthcare system in the States currently.
Anyway, I prayed many days and nights about asking for help. I have had so many people offer to help my family. For the most part I’ve only asked for prayers. That’s all I’ve really needed. I have been blessed. Blessed during chemo. I never thought I would say that in my lifetime.
The thought of paying off a whole new set of medical bills is stressful. My mind isn’t clear. I can’t manage stressful things as I could before chemo. It’s just a fact. It sucks to be the reason your family has huge medical bills!
I want nothing more than to RING THAT BELL in February and have a clean PET scan in March and have zero medical bills. I decided the only way for this to get close to happening is to ask for help. I decided I am worthy of help. We are all worthy of help. We just have to be brave enough to ask for it.
You learn a lot about yourself during a cancer diagnosis and chemo. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I have learned that I am braver than I have ever thought possible. I have learned chemo and cancer will not take my sense of humor. Laughter truly is the best medicine to boost your spirits and others.
Asking for help is hard, but I’m doing it. Or I should say, I did it! I am grateful beyond words for our donations so far. Many tears have been shed as I see the number grow as we feel the love. I know my husband is touched too by the donations coming in from people he knows and has worked with over the years.
If you feel led to help my family financially, in any amount, we thank you!
Here is the link to do so: HELP WITH MEDICAL BILLS
My love for tacos still remains. Praise the Lord! HA
I hope you and your family had an amazing Christmas and a Happy New Year. I look forward to putting my chemo days behind me and gaining strength back in 2019. Keep praying! xo Angie